Laurel (laralbagoury) wrote,

Answer for question 4440.

Name something you consider to be completely unforgivable, no matter what the circumstances. Why is it so egregious to you? What should happen to someone who does it?
I can't forgive someone who breaks their promises to me for more than three times. When someone does that; I try to minimize the communicating with that person, plus I don't trust him/her anymore. ​
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I understand what you're saying. My bestfriend recently broke her first promise to me after 7, almost 8 years of being the most trust worthy person I know. And I don't really know how to feel about it because she said she'd make it up to me considering that the promise was supposed to keep our friendship strong while in college, but it did the opposite. But, while questioning her loyalty, I have already forgiven her. The only difference is now I just expect less. Learn from my mistake of expecting too much. Why can't we all just forgive without forgetting. If we don't forget, we'll know better the second time. This doesn't be as close as you were or act like nothing happened. It really means learning a lesson and knowing what not to do or what not to expect in the future, while still being on decent terms with the person.
I know the expression is, "forgive and forget," but I think that's unrealistic. Remembering is how we learn. However, once we forgive I think we need to let it go, no longer hold it against the person.

In my life I have known several compulsive (their word, not mine) liars. My response was not to hold their lies against them, but to take everything they said with a grain of salt, even their excuse of being "compulsive liars." ;-)

First time!


July 9 2015, 18:07:33 UTC 1 year ago Edited:  July 10 2015, 02:21:32 UTC

it's the first time to receive a comment on an answer I wrote here. Thank you for your comment.
Sorry to hear about your friend.
I am doing the same; I expect less and learn from my mistake. The same thing happened to me in college. My friend and me agreed to study together for the exams and she broke her promise with me many times. We stopped talking about anything related to studying. And we are still good friends as long as we don't bring studying into the equation.

Do you tell the people you're in relationships with (any kind) this before hand? Often we don't tell people our "rules." I think we should, it's only fair.
When it comes to promises, I do tell people the first time. I do it as a joke at first then I forgive them, after all they didn't know. The second time, I say they forgot. But I can't forgive easily the third time they do it.

Re: I do tell


July 9 2015, 22:41:33 UTC 1 year ago Edited:  July 9 2015, 22:43:02 UTC

I hear you. When someone breaks a promise it's disappointing, and you always wonder, if they break the little promises will they break the big ones too?

My mother used to make promises to me all the time, and I am sure she made them with the best intentions, but she kept very few of them. The thing is, she was the most forgiving person I have ever know, and in that she was a magnificent role model.

How are you at keeping promises? I halve an uncle who never makes promises. He says it's so he'll never break them. :-)

Thank you for responding to my question.
As I am getting older, I try to cope with the whole breaking promises. I mean we are not perfect, we all make mistakes. At least we try to fix/minimize our mistakes.

What annoys me is when someone knows he/she can't keep a promise and still say it. Even thought they already broke it before.

I am getting used to it, and I try not to be mad about it. I also try not to bring it up again. I already know that they can't keep their promise in certain things, so all I have to do is not talk about it.

I try as much as I can to keep my promises. And I don't give a lot of promises, so I can avoid breaking them.

I am trying to be a forgiving person as much as I can. But sometimes the situation is there in your mind and you can't help it (so you do a little injustice to your friends). But, I should always remember their good points. As I said before; we are humans and we all make mistakes (and I make a lot of mistakes myself).

I am happy that we talked. I realised things I wasn't aware of it before. It's good to interact with people as you learn a lot from them. I must thank you.